I must have built several thousand cheeseburgers in my days as a burger flipper. So I speak from authority on this matter. With that, I present the Great Cheeseburger Emoji Challenge!

Before I weigh in on the Apple/Google cheeseburger emoji battle that is raging, we first need to understand the dynamics of what goes into the making of a cheeseburger.

The core elements include:

  • A bun
  • A beef patty
  • A leaf of lettuce (green leaf, not iceberg)
  • A tomato slice
  • And finally, a slice of cheese

Now let’s place the ingredients into two buckets – wet and dry.

In the “wet” bucket we place the lettuce and the tomato.
Into the “dry” bucket we place the bun, the beef patty, and the cheese.

To create a cheeseburger that is not only tasty, but easy to eat, it is important to keep the slippery items away from each other. Doing so keeps the cheeseburger together while bitting into it. If slippery items are stacked on top of each other, they will slide out the opposite end of each bite. This makes for an unpleasant cheeseburger experience.

Two Parts

Now, we need to be mindful as we prepare a cheeseburger, there are two parts that are brought together to create the whole burger.

Part One

Part One is pretty straight forward. Find a heat source, be it a bbq or a griddle and bring the patty to temperature.

Part Two

Part Two is the preparation of the bun to receive the beef patty.

We need to consider how two of the elements behave when placed atop each other. I am speaking of the lettuce and the tomato. What happens when placed atop each other? Right, they tend to shoot out the back of the cheeseburger when you bite into it. So how do we correct for this? This is done by separating the two. How? It is best to place the lettuce on the bottom bun and rest the tomato atop the beef patty. The reason for this is simple, the bun and the beef patty have a tackiness to them. This helps keep these items in the burger as you eat it.

The Cheese

How Google got this wrong is beyond me. Even the youngest cheeseburger makers know full well that you place the cheese on top of the beef patty during the final stage of the cooking process.

By placing the cheese atop the beef patty at the end of the cooking process, the cheese gets a nice melt onto the beef. At this time you can add the tomato on top of the cheese. The cheese becomes a glue holding the tomato in place while you enjoy the burger.

The Stack

After years of experimentation, this is the best way to build a cheeseburger:

Top Bun
Beef Patty
Bottom Bun

If you are going to apply condiments, apply those to the underside of the top bun. The reason for this is all about keeping the cheeseburger a pleasure to eat. The underside of the top bun works with the cheese to help keep things together. Placed on the top of the bottom bun, you have a loose lettuce leaf interacting with the condiments which causes slippage and results in a messy experience.

The Winner

Apple wins the cheeseburger emoji discussion. It is well thought out, and would make for the most pleasant culinary experience.